I started this week out with the intent, indeed hope that I would achieve some sense of communion with Sylvia Plath. There are times on the past where I've felt strangely aware of her in fleeting moments of thought and writing. I've found however direct or indirectly some basis for concluding that I've been taught some valuable lessons or at least have had some things reinforced as a result of such awareness.
Of course I'd like report that as I nearly reach the end of this week that I've had some whole new and insightful journey accompanied by one of my favorite poets, but this would be to stretch the truth. For me personally this has been a week of headaches and back pain. At some points awareness of myself has been difficult enough.
I have found myself trying desperately to dip into the subconscious but awake and into dreams for some purpose, some enlightenment, some story, some way forward. I've come to believe that this is not always as easy as seeking. I suppose this should come as no surprise as if it were easily achieved, we'd all be doing it, story over.
One thing that has truck me is that even as a young girl, Sylvia was persistent. Her persistent search for for writing material, her persistent socialization and search for a partner (which led her to Ted Hughes). Her persistent search balance between domestic and professional. Above all, and perhaps related to each of these is her search for fulfillment.
There was of course yet another persistent aspect of her life and that was the challenge of the sort of demon/love relationship with her father. Perhaps this was the aspect of fulfillment that drove her the most and would always be beyond reach as long as she lived.
If Sylvia is indeed saying anything to me this week, I believe it is to, keep on keeping on. If exploring my subconscious level is important to my writing, don't stop because it isn't coming easy. If the back pain and the head aches are getting to me, persistence is called for.. push on. Her father issues I can identify with on some level because I had only the most limited contact with my father and he is dead now, and I continually feel haunted by our relationship/non-relationship. I quite likely identify with Sylvia in some way over this.
I could say that I am somewhat disappointed by how my week with Sylvia has gone so far, but I prefer to take comfort in the spirit of persistence that exemplifies so much of Sylvia's life; to that end I am patiently awaiting yet another chapter from Sylvia.